My Bloody Valentine 3D...."Date Ride to Hell"

So as I posted earlier in the month on MBblog, I was super excited to see My Bloody Valentine: 3D in theaters....mainly because January is severely lacking in the Halloween department, but also because...it's in 3D! and you know how Monster Bash Blog feels about 3D!


The website, which I must admit is very well done, even brags that "the Fans Love it!" and you can send your loved one a "bloody valentine's day card".


In case you forgot about this movie coming out, here's the trailer:




The movie is a remake of the 1981 film of the same name (minus the 3D):






I haven't seen the original yet, so I can't really comment on their similarities and differences, but after reading the plot on Wikipedia...the only similarities between the two are that the location is in a mining town and the names of the characters.

I'd like to state that I'm very interested in watching the original now, for comparison's sake.

Anyway, here are my thoughts on the remake:

1. I can't really consider it a "remake" because the storylines appear to be very different, but I can't confirm that for sure until I see the original. I will, however, say that they really modernized the movie to the point where Jim didn't even know it was a remake, so well done there.

2. I really hated that there's a character named "Axel" in it, and he was played by Kerr Smith, who for those who don't know him, is from Final Destination...and he played the super hot gay friend Jack in Dawson's Creek (my fave character, btw). I couldn't look at him and take him seriously as a sheriff, even though he did a great job of holding the flashlight and gun like a pro...sorry, Kerr.

3. There is a scene (***SPOILER ALERT***) that contains an unnecessarily completely nude woman for about 8-9 minutes. The actress's name is Betsy Rue, but may as well be named "T&A" because that's all she's known for in this movie. I felt extra uncomfortable in the theater, because a family with a 6 year old girl was also watching this movie. What do you do in this situation? (obviously not bring children to an R-rated movie in the first place) You can't even cover their eyes for 10 minutes because there's also extreme groaning noises during the uncomfortably long sex scene minutes before. Rue runs around outside in nothing but stilletos and a frown...nothing was left to the imagination here.

4. We were left guessing until the very end. I found this to be a great aspect to the movie. We all had no idea who the killer was; everytime I guessed someone, they got axed! Literally! I had no idea who it was until even AFTER the characters themselves had guessed, because I still doubted them! So mission accomplished on the plot twists!

5. I was very upset that (***SORRY MORE SPOILERS***) the sheriff is cheating on his wife. I understand why this part of the movie was in there, to keep us confused, but you know how I feel about cheaters and adultery....very very unhappy. When I found out about it, I folded my arms and put a "hmph" frown on my face. Cheating in any forum upsets me greatly.

6. I loved the soap-opera feeling with the added bonus of gore and violence. Jim called it when he said it was a "Lifetime movie with blood and guts". Totally true. There were so many "oh he's married to her now?! She's dead?! Didn't they date? Oh she works with her and is carrying his baby?! Oh my God!" in addition to splattering blood and dismembered bodies. Guys and girls can appreciate this alike, because it has the drama of dating woes mixed in with sheer brutal deaths.

7. The death scenes and gore I felt were pretty good for a modern horror movie. Some things were quite graphic, and the addition of 3D made it even better. The beginning scene was really awesome when (**SORRY...AGAIN**) Harry came out of his coma and went on a rampage. It was pretty gross. I also felt that the pace of the movie was good, because even though there was alot of "soap opera" dialogue, the movie never felt boring or slow moving, there were enough scary death and suspense scenes to keep you focused and guessing.

8. The 3D....I was pleasantly surprised. There was a part with (***I KNOW...I'M SORRY) someone's eyeball getting popped out and the 3D made it look like it was in your face...it was great. Then with the fire, and the pickaxe coming at you, it was really well done. I felt that the 3D parts made the movie look better overall and really added great things to the gory parts. It made it a really fun viewing experience, and I think everyone in our theater was into it.

9. The theater was PACKED. Granted, it was a Friday night, but the movie has already been out a week. The thrill of 3D makes people come out. It was the first time in a theater I was asked to move down by an usher so people could sit together. So get there early! Also, this was the first time in the history of me going to movies that I was first in line to get into a theater. I actually STARTED the line, that's how trendsetter-ish I am. Just sayin'.

10. There were 2 coming attractions could have rivaled the movie with how scary they were. I can't wait for them. One was called A Haunting in Connecticut and it made me jump.

Apparently this is based on a true story. There was a documentary on Discovery (called A Haunting) about this family, and I guess now they've made it into a full length film. Here's the website for it.

And then there's the remake for Last House on The Left:

It's supposed to come out in March. I love that Carl from Ghost is in this. It's based on the 1972 movie of the same name by Wes Craven. I've actually seen it, and I just remember it being really difficult to watch. I think one of the main reasons I wanted to see it was because Sean S. Cunningham and Wes Craven did it together (that's like Freddy and Jason joining together). The remake looks pretty awesome though. It's a great "revenge" movie, and who doesn't find those enjoyable? Here's the website for the remake.

So, MBV3D was a double gift, because not only did I find the movie itself entertaining and fun to watch, the trailers before it got me pumped for upcoming horror!

Freezing at the Inauguration

So, I figured it would be a good thing to write about going to the inauguration of the 44th President...since, you know...Monster Bash Blog was an esteemed guest there (not even close). While the event itself was historical and not scary at all, the process of getting there, standing there all day, and getting home...was the most frightening experience of my life.


So, our dear friend and fellow blogger, Jim, had begged and pleaded me to accompany him to this historical event. I didn't want to go, however, because I know about all of the spoOooOOoOoOky things that January (and winter in general) brings...the COLD! What if there was a Yeti there because of the harsh weather? Or Mutated Movie Villains?! Or what if we get Frostbite? Or run into Jack Frost?! I mean, these were all major possibilities, because they are part of my wintry blogs! (Shameless self-blog promotion!)

So anyway, I eventually gave in and let adventure get the best of me. We booked a bus trip that would leave out of NYC on Tuesday morning at 12 am, and then we would come home at around 10 pm that same night. Sound spooOoOOooky enough? Well, I'm not finished. I'd then wake up on Wednesday morning and be at work by 7. Now, that's scary. That's REAL scary.


But what can I say? I'm a ghoul with alot of gall.


So off we went.


We stood in the bitter, freezing cold in NYC for 3 hours...


then we boarded a bus....for 3 1/2 more hours...

then we arrived in D.C. at around 4:30 AM...

We got off of the bus around 5:30 AM....

Walked to the National Mall...

still walked....

more walking....

got there around 7:30 AM.

Stood in freezing cold and darkness until 10 AM.

My horrifying hand warmers and frightening feet warmers were wearing off. That was the scariest thought of the day...having no warmth whatsoever for the next 2-3 hours of cold-standing.

Then Joe Biden and Barack Obama were sworn in:

Afterward, we crept back to the bus....and by "crept", I mean, "stood still in a sea of people for 2 hours":

Finally...after getting slightly lost in an unknown city (my biggest fear on Earth) we arrived at our bus.

5 1/2 more hours on the bus and we were home!

Let me tell you what made this trip scary for Monster Bash Blog:

-Massive crowds of people closing down streets

I was waiting for the monster from Cloverfield or Godzilla to come out and start stomping the streets

-The insane amount of walking (including through dark tunnels and being lost)

-blisters from insane walking and not proper footwear

-lack of food for the entire day

-not wanting to drink anything for fear of the porto-potty

-porto-potties in general

-carsickness on long bus trips

-fear of not making it back to the bus in time and being stranded in D.C. forever

-Standing for hours while my legs and knees froze

-THE COLD

(that's breath)

This was quite a feat for Monster Bash Blog to endure, as I usually relax in my crypt and wait for Halloween to arrive...but hey, much like the majesty of Monster Bash, this was a historical event.

Mutated Movie Villains

So, I've been thinking recently about why movie monsters are often mutated people. I guess after seeing Toolbox Murders and I couldn't help but kind of feel bad for this mutated guy, even though he was killing innocent people..I mean...he killed because he's different....or crazy...or both...either way...mutated.

Here's my list of famous horror movie mutants...in my opinion:

The Hills Have Eyes and The Hills Have Eyes 2:



I could not find one pic of the mutated people from the first movie...but here's two from the second installment. They're even referred to as "mutants" in the synopsis, so it's not me making this stuff up!


Toolbox Murders

I know we discussed him in one of our last blogs together, but this guy's ridiculous. He seems to have an aversion to light and something else because there's a scene by the stairs where he flips out and rubs his face and screams. Anyway, he's supposedly spawned from a curse. They say in the movie that he was born out of his dead mother and clawed his way out or whatever. What a creeper.


Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Leatherface wore skin. He chased people with chainsaws. He grunted instead of talking. Deformed, or just really, really quiet and weird?


Friday the 13th

This is a horrible pic of Jason, but I was low on options of his face for some reason. Here's him as a kid though:



Maybe if those stupid counselors had been watching him instead of having premarital sex....oh, what's the use?



The Funhouse
Synopsis from IMDB.com: "Four teenage friends spent the night in a carnival funhouse and are stalked by a deformed man in a frankenstein mask".

Ok, so just because he's a deformed guy in a frankenstein mask...we know he's a killer right? poor guy. I also read he's albino and has fangs. P.S. finding a pic of him is the hardest thing on Earth...here's the only known thumbnail:

I still feel kinda bad for him...and repulsed.

The Descent

Ok, granted, they're not really "deformed" per say...more like "adapted". They "adapted" to being in the dark, but still...why do they LOOK like that?!

Um just an F.Y.I...I googled the word "mutant" and this gem came up:

Jack Frost 2: Attack of the Killer Mutant Snowman

Oh. My. God. **New Favorite Movie Alert!!** There's an actress named "Marsha Clark" and I would have jumped 4 feet in the air if it was the prosecution attorney from the O.J. Simpson murder trials back in the 90's but it wasn't. Also, the characters names are Agent Manners and Captain Fun. This movie is like...outer-worldly. Please, please please, if you saw this film, tell me all about it. Bananas?! He kills the mutant snowman with bananas. I swear. Read here. I'm about 2 seconds away from buying this piece of golden cinema used from Amazon.com.

Well, I need a break after that discovery....What do you think?

What other horror movie mutants do you love that I missed?

The Toolbox Murders...remake.

My father finally guilted me into watching "The Toolbox Murders" (the remake that Tobe Hooper made..not the original). I got it for him as a Christmas gift because he saw the last 10 minutes of it on MonstersHD and was obsessed with it from that point onward.

So, I watched it. And, while it wasn't the worst piece of trash I've ever seen in my life, it still wasn't really worth raving over, either.


Basically, this couple, a painfully thin heroine, Nell:

(seriously, it was painful for me to watch, I was waiting for her tiny arms to snap in every scene...or her little collar bones to pop out..that was possibly the most gory part of the movie...her bones) teacher, and her doctor/intern hubby (Steven), move into an apartment building called "The Lusman Arms". It's a historical building where actors and actresses lived to make it big in Hollywood. But like they say in the beginning...sometimes...people just...disappear!
Before I continue with this riveting plot, let me just say that the first scene features Sheri Moon (Zombie) who is married to Rob Zombie and starred in House of 1000 Corpses, Halloween remake, and The Devil's Rejects. My father didn't know that and was obsessed with her. I also became obsessed with the status of Rob Zombie's and Sheri Moon Zombie's marriage...Fun fact! They dated for 13 years (unlucky number spoOoOOoOoky) and were married on Halloween in 2002.

Anyways, we find that Nell doesn't really like the Lusman arms, and is suffering with its weirdness while her husband Steven is doing his residency. She's also not the building manager's favorite, as she questions all of the L.A.'s quirks and frequently calls the police for strange sounds in neighboring apartments.

Some of Nell and Steven's neighbors are also pretty over-the-top. Her first neighbor that she meets, Saffron, is a total nutcase and I think is supposed to be an angst rocker? Her boyfriend is also a creep. Then we meet Julia, who Ned, the handyman has a crush on. Julia we find out has lost 57 lbs and used to be a "whale" according to the creepy socialite family who live down the hall and have a peeping-tom for a son (he spies on Julia via rigged webcam). Then there's the friendly elderly man, Chazz, who we find out has lived at the Lusman Arms for the past 60 years and can't seem to leave the place. We later find out that Chazz knows more about the building than anyone else, including the evil that lives there.

To make a long story short, she finds out that the building is cursed by black magic in the most ridiculous way available. She goes to a place that has blueprints of the Lusman Arms and of course, the guy helping her is a Lusman expert who knows ALL about the Lusman Arms, and the two discover that the weird symbols on the walls are really curses! wow! Are these people geniuses or what?! And there's a mutated killer on the loose in the secret compartments of the building killing just because he feels like it...and of course...he kills with tools from a toolbox! hence: Toolbox Murders! Nell ends up getting into this hidden compartment area and runs into the killer head-on, and her husband Steven saves the day. Did I ruin it for you? I'm sorry.

Overall, the death scenes are pretty gory, which is needed because the storyline itself kind of drags along. Someone created a collage of screenshots that I'm happily borrowing from photobucket.com and this basically portrays the first hour of the movie:

The characters aren't really endearing at all, and while they are kind of developed, the only one I really was rooting for was Ned. He was just misunderstood. Ned 4 Ever!

Oh.....

I guess also Luis the doorman was probably another favorite, because he just wanted to help out.

I guess I'd give this movie a 5 out of 10. It was "eh". I mean, I love Tobe Hooper, but I think that he's done better work. I would, however, see the original for comparison.

Get Pumped for 02/13/09!

Today marks exactly 1 month until Friday the 13th remake hits theaters!!


Ok, ok, I know what you're thinking. "Monster Bash Blog, it's a remake...it's going to suck!"

Normally, with any other film, I'd agree with you 110%.

But come on...It's JASON VOORHEES. My all-time favorite movie villain!

I'm going to give him a "Get out of jail free card" on this one, simply because I love him so dearly.


I will, however, make a couple of statements regarding the remake, because I need to get them off my chest. First, watch the trailer, and then we'll discuss:



1. Ok, so it's produced by Michael Bay, who seems to have now become the ultimate horror movie remake director (Also doing a Nightmare on Elm Street remake in 2010, more on that later, The Unborn, The TCM remake, Amityville Horror remake, TCM: The beginning, etc). I'm lukewarm on this. I really did like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake....and I'm really into the idea of remaking a Nightmare on Elm Street to dovetail with my bffl Jason. I'm slightly (desperate because it's January) interested in The Unborn, so I'm willing to give it a shot.

2. I get the feeling that Pamela Voorhees isn't the main villain in the remake. I could be totally wrong, but the killer looks like Jason to me in the trailer.


3. The remake doesn't follow exactly with the original, which I kind of like. There's some guy who lost his sister and he's looking for her? So they're looking for a sister? That was definitely not part of the original.

4. The main character is some studly stallion named...wait for it....Clay:

Ugh. Really? You couldn't think of a better hero name? Clay.
Molding...Clay.
However, in the original, the hero was female, and was named Alice:

Talk about woman power. Now I guess we need a man to save the day...is that it? What a sexist movie! J/K I couldn't care less. I liked Alice way better though, I can tell already. I don't care how muscular Clay's body is or how good he looks beat up and wet and bloody.

5. What type of Jason will he be? The progression of Jason from the second movie to Freddy vs. Jason is astounding. He goes from back-woods yokel Jason:

to melted mush Jason:

to dinosaur Jason

to indestructible space Jason


X-Entertainment did a great job of depicting these transformations.
Which one is your favorite? Mine's in Friday the 13th part III:

He's so scary in his jumpsuits and flannel, he's fast, and he's still relatively human-looking. Part III is also where he first gets his hockey mask, fyi. I love him. I can't wait to see what type of Jason this new Jason will be. I'm predicting he will be like the equivalent of Michael Myers in the Rob Zombie remake of Halloween. What do you think?

6. Its release date is AWESOME. February 13th, 2009. Friday the 13th, 2009. Also, it's the day before Valentine's Day, so instead of romance and roses, it's machetes and MURDER.

7. The cast is a bunch of unknowns. Except for Willa Ford, who I only know from that song "I Wanna Be Bad", and that's not really saying alot, the cast is a bunch of nobodies. I love this. Now I'm not thinking to myself "Oh, that's the guy from...." or "Oh, she played ___ and ___". These are just regular people as far as I'm concerned. And I appreciate that.

8. There's a character named "Chewie" in it. Enough said.

9. The trailer features a counting sequence all the way from 1-13. That must've been tough, to find 13 different cool things to show between each number. Also, doing that 13 times is a little bit much.

10. It's friggin' Jason Voorhees! Give the guy a chance!

So, get your Camp Crystal Lake shirts ready (I've got mine ready to go!), 2/13/09 is only a few weeks away!!

Frightening Frostbite

Now that we're sloshing through the frigid winter months, it's important to be aware of the vicious monster that is....

Frostbite.

I just came to realize that I don't like that word. It makes me think of "I've been bitten by frost". I just picture this creepy old man with a beard made out of icicles biting my hand. Or like this creepy guy:


Look, even the Germans are afraid of it:

So what's the big deal, anyway?

Well, this is the big deal:

...It all happens when you go outside...

Symptoms of frostbite begin as "pins and needles" or tingling. Then numbness. Severe frostbite causes gangrene, and then skin turns black:



That is hands-down the grossest illustration I've come across...and it's not even gory. Just unsettling.



Then your fingers fall off.....sometimes.



Please, if you start to feel the monstrous effects of 'the bite, come inside and warm up. Monster Bash Blog would appreciate it.

SpoOoOoOooky Resolutions

Of course, with the fright of the Boo Year upon us, we all put down our plate of cookies and pies and go back to work.

For Monster Bash Blog, this was traumatic, as my work clothes seem to have shrunk.

You know the feeling...suddenly, my clothes are smaller...or...I'm bigger.

My "comfortable" pants are now "snug"...and my "baggier" pants have become my "comfortable" pants. My fat pants...have become...tight. What went wrong?!

Maybe I'm morphing into a frightening Halloween monster?

No...close...but no.


Instead, I've joined everyone else who has decided to throw nutritional info to the wind and snack snack snacked my way through the holidays!


Now that I'm uncomfortably snug in my work pants...what to do?


First I looked into just drinking water and starving until April or May. Then realized that was too harsh.

Then I examined the possibility of doing the Gwyneth Paltrow 7-day detox diet. Then I realized that I'm not a millionaire actress who can buy ridiculous ingredients at my disposal. Also, I hate Yoga.

Then I caved.

I gave in.

I decided to join the rest of America and vow to lose weight via Boo/New Year's resolution.


Curse you, Jared!

And that's frightening. A nation of hungry, grouchy, starving resolutioners. All walking on treadmills in sync, dreaming of cheeseburgers, frowning, "pinching" inches in disgust.

And everyone knows it's happening. Last night, while watching my fave shows, every....I mean EVERY commercial consisted of Weight Watchers advertisements, diet drinks, Special K's 7 day challenge, Lucille Roberts' and Ballys' specials, Nutrisystem...It's all there....waiting for you...calling out to you..."hey fatty! Come on in and get to failing!"

Because that's the other half of the horror, the madness. The part where 2 weeks in, you have casualties. The gym gets just a little bit emptier....The Burger King drive-thru line gets just a little longer. The woes of defeat. "What resolution? Oh that, whatever."

Failure. Some people's biggest fear.

Followed immediately by increased sales in larger sized pants.

And what's that in the distance? Bathing suits on the racks in department stores?

I just broke a cold sweat. This, my friends and foes, is the true horror of winter.

Raise your diet cokes high and toast to a successfully skinny Boo Year!

Jagged January

January is spoOoOooOoky because it is barren, cold, dark, and miserable.


Halloween is over.

Christmas is over.

New Year's is over.


January..has...nothing.


Just cold, bitter temperatures and a whole heap of depressed people returning to work/school.

Even Monster Bash 2009, which I've already begun thinking about, seems so very far away.


What is there to look forward to?


HORROR MOVIES!!!


Nothing like packing into a nice warm movie theater for some Horror in January!


UHM always keeps me in check.


Here are the list of movies that look like something Monster Bash Blog would enjoy, compliments of Upcoming Horror Movies:



Autopsy. From the looks of it, Autopsy appears to be really, really disgusting in a "House of Wax"/"Texas Chainsaw Massacre" kind of way. The synopsis says that it's about this girl who tries to find her injured boyfriend in a "spooky" hospital. Anything that uses the word "spooky" is good in my book. I watched the trailer and there appears to be a scene where the doctor removes an organ in its entirety out of the guy...blood and guts galore! Supposedly no CGI were used to keep it "old school". Monster Bash Blog is interested. See if you can pick out the lone big name actor in this:







The Unborn. I actually skipped right over this one because it said something about it being a horror movie involving a little boy from the Holocaust and I felt that that was inappropriate. I didn't want to go see a horror movie that included the Holocaust too...too much. But then I saw a picture of the little boy and it freaked me out...and also Gary Oldman and the guy that played James in Twilight are in it...and you know how much I love Twilight and The Dark Knight. So there you have it. My only issues is that it's kind of like The Omen, and that the lead character, Odette Yustman, loves jogging and showering in movies. I only recognized her because I recognized her jog from that Lifetime movie where she was a teacher who got fired for being in a porn even though she wasn't in a porn...long story....anyway, here's the trailer:






My Bloody Valentine 3-D. I know, it's a remake...but seriously, it's in 3-D and I am always, always willing to give 3-D a chance....ok...well...almost always. I personally love that they show the "audience" experiencing the insanity of 3D...and the tag..."Nothing says date movie like a 3D ride to Hell". I'm sold:







The Uninvited. Ok, so I saw that it was PG-13 and that one commenter said that there's too much bikini footage...so I almost didn't give it a fair shot...but it's like "The Ring" mixed in with a Lifetime movie. Also, that above movie poster is absolutely frightening. There was one part in the trailer where I actually jumped, so I think I'll give it a chance. Apparently this is also a remake from 1944? All I know is that the guy from "Big Girls Don't Cry...they Get Even" is in it as the father, so I'm pumped. The plot is identical to about 3 Lifetime movies, just add a few ghosts:








Film I feel most uncomfortable about:

Donkey Punch. Yep, they really called it that. I think even IMDB is unhappy with it. It sounds like one of those "Hostel" "Saw" type of movies where tourists meet up with the wrong crowd and things go horribly. You know how I feel about those kinds of movies...and then wow with the title. I couldn't even bring myself to watch the trailer to this, because I feel like I'll be flagged.

So there you have it! The most anticipated horror movies of January '09!