So, I figured it would be a good thing to write about going to the inauguration of the 44th President...since, you know...Monster Bash Blog was an esteemed guest there (not even close). While the event itself was historical and not scary at all, the process of getting there, standing there all day, and getting home...was the most frightening experience of my life.
So, our dear friend and fellow blogger, Jim, had begged and pleaded me to accompany him to this historical event. I didn't want to go, however, because I know about all of the spoOooOOoOoOky things that January (and winter in general) brings...the COLD! What if there was a Yeti there because of the harsh weather? Or Mutated Movie Villains?! Or what if we get Frostbite? Or run into Jack Frost?! I mean, these were all major possibilities, because they are part of my wintry blogs! (Shameless self-blog promotion!)
So anyway, I eventually gave in and let adventure get the best of me. We booked a bus trip that would leave out of NYC on Tuesday morning at 12 am, and then we would come home at around 10 pm that same night. Sound spooOoOOooky enough? Well, I'm not finished. I'd then wake up on Wednesday morning and be at work by 7. Now, that's scary. That's REAL scary.
But what can I say? I'm a ghoul with alot of gall.
So off we went.
We stood in the bitter, freezing cold in NYC for 3 hours...
then we boarded a bus....for 3 1/2 more hours...
then we arrived in D.C. at around 4:30 AM...
We got off of the bus around 5:30 AM....
Walked to the National Mall...
still walked....
more walking....
got there around 7:30 AM.
Stood in freezing cold and darkness until 10 AM.
My horrifying hand warmers and frightening feet warmers were wearing off. That was the scariest thought of the day...having no warmth whatsoever for the next 2-3 hours of cold-standing.
Then Joe Biden and Barack Obama were sworn in:
Afterward, we crept back to the bus....and by "crept", I mean, "stood still in a sea of people for 2 hours":
Finally...after getting slightly lost in an unknown city (my biggest fear on Earth) we arrived at our bus.
5 1/2 more hours on the bus and we were home!
Let me tell you what made this trip scary for Monster Bash Blog:
-Massive crowds of people closing down streets
I was waiting for the monster from Cloverfield or Godzilla to come out and start stomping the streets
-The insane amount of walking (including through dark tunnels and being lost)
-blisters from insane walking and not proper footwear
-lack of food for the entire day
-not wanting to drink anything for fear of the porto-potty
-porto-potties in general
-carsickness on long bus trips
-fear of not making it back to the bus in time and being stranded in D.C. forever
-Standing for hours while my legs and knees froze
-THE COLD
(that's breath)
This was quite a feat for Monster Bash Blog to endure, as I usually relax in my crypt and wait for Halloween to arrive...but hey, much like the majesty of Monster Bash, this was a historical event.
So, I've been thinking recently about why movie monsters are often mutated people. I guess after seeing Toolbox Murders and I couldn't help but kind of feel bad for this mutated guy, even though he was killing innocent people..I mean...he killed because he's different....or crazy...or both...either way...mutated.
Here's my list of famous horror movie mutants...in my opinion:
I could not find one pic of the mutated people from the first movie...but here's two from the second installment. They're even referred to as "mutants" in the synopsis, so it's not me making this stuff up!
Toolbox Murders I know we discussed him in one of our last blogs together, but this guy's ridiculous. He seems to have an aversion to light and something else because there's a scene by the stairs where he flips out and rubs his face and screams. Anyway, he's supposedly spawned from a curse. They say in the movie that he was born out of his dead mother and clawed his way out or whatever. What a creeper.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre Leatherface wore skin. He chased people with chainsaws. He grunted instead of talking. Deformed, or just really, really quiet and weird?
Friday the 13th This is a horrible pic of Jason, but I was low on options of his face for some reason. Here's him as a kid though:
Maybe if those stupid counselors had been watching him instead of having premarital sex....oh, what's the use?
The Funhouse Synopsis from IMDB.com: "Four teenage friends spent the night in a carnival funhouse and are stalked by a deformed man in a frankenstein mask".
Ok, so just because he's a deformed guy in a frankenstein mask...we know he's a killer right? poor guy. I also read he's albino and has fangs. P.S. finding a pic of him is the hardest thing on Earth...here's the only known thumbnail: I still feel kinda bad for him...and repulsed.
The Descent Ok, granted, they're not really "deformed" per say...more like "adapted". They "adapted" to being in the dark, but still...why do they LOOK like that?!
Um just an F.Y.I...I googled the word "mutant" and this gem came up:
Oh. My. God. **New Favorite Movie Alert!!** There's an actress named "Marsha Clark" and I would have jumped 4 feet in the air if it was the prosecution attorney from the O.J. Simpson murder trials back in the 90's but it wasn't. Also, the characters names are Agent Manners and Captain Fun. This movie is like...outer-worldly. Please, please please, if you saw this film, tell me all about it. Bananas?! He kills the mutant snowman with bananas. I swear. Read here. I'm about 2 seconds away from buying this piece of golden cinema used from Amazon.com.
Well, I need a break after that discovery....What do you think?
What other horror movie mutants do you love that I missed?
My father finally guilted me into watching "The Toolbox Murders" (the remake that Tobe Hooper made..not the original). I got it for him as a Christmas gift because he saw the last 10 minutes of it on MonstersHD and was obsessed with it from that point onward. So, I watched it. And, while it wasn't the worst piece of trash I've ever seen in my life, it still wasn't really worth raving over, either.
Basically, this couple, a painfully thin heroine, Nell:
(seriously, it was painful for me to watch, I was waiting for her tiny arms to snap in every scene...or her little collar bones to pop out..that was possibly the most gory part of the movie...her bones) teacher, and her doctor/intern hubby (Steven), move into an apartment building called "The Lusman Arms". It's a historical building where actors and actresses lived to make it big in Hollywood. But like they say in the beginning...sometimes...people just...disappear! Before I continue with this riveting plot, let me just say that the first scene features Sheri Moon (Zombie) who is married to Rob Zombie and starred in House of 1000 Corpses, Halloween remake, and The Devil's Rejects. My father didn't know that and was obsessed with her. I also became obsessed with the status of Rob Zombie's and Sheri Moon Zombie's marriage...Fun fact! They dated for 13 years (unlucky number spoOoOOoOoky) and were married on Halloween in 2002.
Anyways, we find that Nell doesn't really like the Lusman arms, and is suffering with its weirdness while her husband Steven is doing his residency. She's also not the building manager's favorite, as she questions all of the L.A.'s quirks and frequently calls the police for strange sounds in neighboring apartments.
Some of Nell and Steven's neighbors are also pretty over-the-top. Her first neighbor that she meets, Saffron, is a total nutcase and I think is supposed to be an angst rocker? Her boyfriend is also a creep. Then we meet Julia, who Ned, the handyman has a crush on. Julia we find out has lost 57 lbs and used to be a "whale" according to the creepy socialite family who live down the hall and have a peeping-tom for a son (he spies on Julia via rigged webcam). Then there's the friendly elderly man, Chazz, who we find out has lived at the Lusman Arms for the past 60 years and can't seem to leave the place. We later find out that Chazz knows more about the building than anyone else, including the evil that lives there.
To make a long story short, she finds out that the building is cursed by black magic in the most ridiculous way available. She goes to a place that has blueprints of the Lusman Arms and of course, the guy helping her is a Lusman expert who knows ALL about the Lusman Arms, and the two discover that the weird symbols on the walls are really curses! wow! Are these people geniuses or what?! And there's a mutated killer on the loose in the secret compartments of the building killing just because he feels like it...and of course...he kills with tools from a toolbox! hence: Toolbox Murders! Nell ends up getting into this hidden compartment area and runs into the killer head-on, and her husband Steven saves the day. Did I ruin it for you? I'm sorry.
Overall, the death scenes are pretty gory, which is needed because the storyline itself kind of drags along. Someone created a collage of screenshots that I'm happily borrowing from photobucket.com and this basically portrays the first hour of the movie: The characters aren't really endearing at all, and while they are kind of developed, the only one I really was rooting for was Ned. He was just misunderstood. Ned 4 Ever! Oh.....
I guess also Luis the doorman was probably another favorite, because he just wanted to help out.
I guess I'd give this movie a 5 out of 10. It was "eh". I mean, I love Tobe Hooper, but I think that he's done better work. I would, however, see the original for comparison.
Ok, ok, I know what you're thinking. "Monster Bash Blog, it's a remake...it's going to suck!"
Normally, with any other film, I'd agree with you 110%.
But come on...It's JASON VOORHEES. My all-time favorite movie villain!
I'm going to give him a "Get out of jail free card" on this one, simply because I love him so dearly.
I will, however, make a couple of statements regarding the remake, because I need to get them off my chest. First, watch the trailer, and then we'll discuss:
1. Ok, so it's produced by Michael Bay, who seems to have now become the ultimate horror movie remake director (Also doing a Nightmare on Elm Street remake in 2010, more on that later, The Unborn, The TCM remake, Amityville Horror remake, TCM: The beginning, etc). I'm lukewarm on this. I really did like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake....and I'm really into the idea of remaking a Nightmare on Elm Street to dovetail with my bffl Jason. I'm slightly (desperate because it's January) interested in The Unborn, so I'm willing to give it a shot.
2. I get the feeling that Pamela Voorhees isn't the main villain in the remake. I could be totally wrong, but the killer looks like Jason to me in the trailer.
3. The remake doesn't follow exactly with the original, which I kind of like. There's some guy who lost his sister and he's looking for her? So they're looking for a sister? That was definitely not part of the original.
4. The main character is some studly stallion named...wait for it....Clay: Ugh. Really? You couldn't think of a better hero name? Clay. Molding...Clay. However, in the original, the hero was female, and was named Alice: Talk about woman power. Now I guess we need a man to save the day...is that it? What a sexist movie! J/K I couldn't care less. I liked Alice way better though, I can tell already. I don't care how muscular Clay's body is or how good he looks beat up and wet and bloody.
5. What type of Jason will he be? The progression of Jason from the second movie to Freddy vs. Jason is astounding. He goes from back-woods yokel Jason: to melted mush Jason: to dinosaur Jason to indestructible space Jason
X-Entertainment did a great job of depicting these transformations. Which one is your favorite? Mine's in Friday the 13th part III: He's so scary in his jumpsuits and flannel, he's fast, and he's still relatively human-looking. Part III is also where he first gets his hockey mask, fyi. I love him. I can't wait to see what type of Jason this new Jason will be. I'm predicting he will be like the equivalent of Michael Myers in the Rob Zombie remake of Halloween. What do you think?
6. Its release date is AWESOME. February 13th, 2009. Friday the 13th, 2009. Also, it's the day before Valentine's Day, so instead of romance and roses, it's machetes and MURDER.
7. The cast is a bunch of unknowns. Except for Willa Ford, who I only know from that song "I Wanna Be Bad", and that's not really saying alot, the cast is a bunch of nobodies. I love this. Now I'm not thinking to myself "Oh, that's the guy from...." or "Oh, she played ___ and ___". These are just regular people as far as I'm concerned. And I appreciate that.
8. There's a character named "Chewie" in it. Enough said.
9. The trailer features a counting sequence all the way from 1-13. That must've been tough, to find 13 different cool things to show between each number. Also, doing that 13 times is a little bit much.
I just came to realize that I don't like that word. It makes me think of "I've been bitten by frost". I just picture this creepy old man with a beard made out of icicles biting my hand. Or like this creepy guy:
Look, even the Germans are afraid of it:
So what's the big deal, anyway?
Well, this is the big deal:
...It all happens when you go outside...
Symptoms of frostbite begin as "pins and needles" or tingling. Then numbness. Severe frostbite causes gangrene, and then skin turns black:
That is hands-down the grossest illustration I've come across...and it's not even gory. Just unsettling.
Then your fingers fall off.....sometimes.
Please, if you start to feel the monstrous effects of 'the bite, come inside and warm up. Monster Bash Blog would appreciate it.
Of course, with the fright of the Boo Year upon us, we all put down our plate of cookies and pies and go back to work.
For Monster Bash Blog, this was traumatic, as my work clothes seem to have shrunk.
You know the feeling...suddenly, my clothes are smaller...or...I'm bigger.
My "comfortable" pants are now "snug"...and my "baggier" pants have become my "comfortable" pants. My fat pants...have become...tight. What went wrong?!
Maybe I'm morphing into a frightening Halloween monster?
No...close...but no.
Instead, I've joined everyone else who has decided to throw nutritional info to the wind and snack snack snacked my way through the holidays!
Now that I'm uncomfortably snug in my work pants...what to do?
First I looked into just drinking water and starving until April or May. Then realized that was too harsh.
Then I examined the possibility of doing the Gwyneth Paltrow 7-day detox diet. Then I realized that I'm not a millionaire actress who can buy ridiculous ingredients at my disposal. Also, I hate Yoga.
Then I caved.
I gave in.
I decided to join the rest of America and vow to lose weight via Boo/New Year's resolution.
Curse you, Jared!
And that's frightening. A nation of hungry, grouchy, starving resolutioners. All walking on treadmills in sync, dreaming of cheeseburgers, frowning, "pinching" inches in disgust.
And everyone knows it's happening. Last night, while watching my fave shows, every....I mean EVERY commercial consisted of Weight Watchers advertisements, diet drinks, Special K's 7 day challenge, Lucille Roberts' and Ballys' specials, Nutrisystem...It's all there....waiting for you...calling out to you..."hey fatty! Come on in and get to failing!"
Because that's the other half of the horror, the madness. The part where 2 weeks in, you have casualties. The gym gets just a little bit emptier....The Burger King drive-thru line gets just a little longer. The woes of defeat. "What resolution? Oh that, whatever."
Failure. Some people's biggest fear.
Followed immediately by increased sales in larger sized pants.
And what's that in the distance? Bathing suits on the racks in department stores?
I just broke a cold sweat. This, my friends and foes, is the true horror of winter.
Raise your diet cokes high and toast to a successfully skinny Boo Year!
Here are the list of movies that look like something Monster Bash Blog would enjoy, compliments of Upcoming Horror Movies:
Autopsy. From the looks of it, Autopsy appears to be really, really disgusting in a "House of Wax"/"Texas Chainsaw Massacre" kind of way. The synopsis says that it's about this girl who tries to find her injured boyfriend in a "spooky" hospital. Anything that uses the word "spooky" is good in my book. I watched the trailer and there appears to be a scene where the doctor removes an organ in its entirety out of the guy...blood and guts galore! Supposedly no CGI were used to keep it "old school". Monster Bash Blog is interested. See if you can pick out the lone big name actor in this:
The Unborn. I actually skipped right over this one because it said something about it being a horror movie involving a little boy from the Holocaust and I felt that that was inappropriate. I didn't want to go see a horror movie that included the Holocaust too...too much. But then I saw a picture of the little boy and it freaked me out...and also Gary Oldman and the guy that played James in Twilight are in it...and you know how much I love Twilight and The Dark Knight. So there you have it. My only issues is that it's kind of like The Omen, and that the lead character, Odette Yustman, loves jogging and showering in movies. I only recognized her because I recognized her jog from that Lifetime movie where she was a teacher who got fired for being in a porn even though she wasn't in a porn...long story....anyway, here's the trailer:
My Bloody Valentine 3-D. I know, it's a remake...but seriously, it's in 3-D and I am always, always willing to give 3-D a chance....ok...well...almost always. I personally love that they show the "audience" experiencing the insanity of 3D...and the tag..."Nothing says date movie like a 3D ride to Hell". I'm sold:
The Uninvited. Ok, so I saw that it was PG-13 and that one commenter said that there's too much bikini footage...so I almost didn't give it a fair shot...but it's like "The Ring" mixed in with a Lifetime movie. Also, that above movie poster is absolutely frightening. There was one part in the trailer where I actually jumped, so I think I'll give it a chance. Apparently this is also a remake from 1944? All I know is that the guy from "Big Girls Don't Cry...they Get Even" is in it as the father, so I'm pumped. The plot is identical to about 3 Lifetime movies, just add a few ghosts:
Film I feel most uncomfortable about: Donkey Punch. Yep, they really called it that. I think even IMDB is unhappy with it. It sounds like one of those "Hostel" "Saw" type of movies where tourists meet up with the wrong crowd and things go horribly. You know how I feel about those kinds of movies...and then wow with the title. I couldn't even bring myself to watch the trailer to this, because I feel like I'll be flagged.
So there you have it! The most anticipated horror movies of January '09!
EARTH (mainly the NJ/NY area though), United States
I'm the spoOoOoOokiest party around!
Every year, Halloween gets bigger, badder, and more boooooooriffic!
We here at MB Blog strive to keep Halloween alive (or at least undead) throughout the year, getting you pumped up for the big day: October 31st!
Monster Bash Blog is dedicated to the year round Fall/Halloween lover in all of us.
