Sunday, February 8, 2009

Friday the 13th Month: Why Part 3 Is the Best

I know I mention it almost daily on Monster Bash Blog, but Friday the 13th: Part 3 is quite possibly the best Friday the 13th...or overall horror movie...on Earth. Perhaps I'm biased...but I doubt it.
Friday the 13th part 3 Pictures, Images and Photos
I can't decide what cover I like better..I think it may be this one:
Friday The 13th Part 3 Pictures, Images and Photos

Of course, it's in 3-D. Part 3's of horror movies seem to have a pattern of being in 3-D because they can make up clever slogans like "Part 3....-D WOW!" I've also noticed more and more things joining the 3-D train, like commercials during the superbowl. Well, we all have Jason to thank for this technology, now don't we? (Obv. I'm kidding - please don't send me corrections on the origins of 3-D).

Here's the amazing trailer:

I feel like the guy reading in the trailer was just making stuff up off the 1:24 he says something about when killing in Jason's woods that Jason will come to you? What is that? What does that mean? I mean, if you're in Jason's woods, then you've come to Jason, right? Who cares! This movie is the greatest!

Wikipedia loves it just as much as me, that is why it has its very own page.

Despite it's horrid ratings from IMDB, I still find it to be the most entertaining film I've ever seen in my life.

Now, let's talk about this. How can I possibly do this piece of golden masterpiece justice? But, I will try.

In 1982, the year of my birth, Friday the 13th Part 3 was released. So, alot of good things came out of 1982, eh? Also, I don't know where Wikipedia is getting their info from, but it's way more description than the movie gives us, so I'm in awe reading this...

Friday the 13th Part 3 is the first of the Jason movies that features Jason with his hockey mask. It is actually kind of an accident how Jason gets it, which I find funny, because before this, he was sporting a spoOoOoOoOky burlap sack. Jason also is wearing flannel and actually runs in this movie, and he is fast. Jason as a villain in this film is awesome because he's realistically scary, unlike the more modern, dino Jason.

But enough about J.V., the characters in this movie are so out-of-this world ridiculous, I'm giggling as I think about them.

So while Jason is gathering his flannel, he goes to a store run by this white trash couple, Edna and Harold. Harold has high cholesterol and Edna wants him to eat better:
Edna Pictures, Images and Photos
Harold Pictures, Images and Photos
This couple would be retarded if Harold didn't have a full bathroom scene complete with gas noises and Edna didn't look less like a naggy old housewife. Anyway, Jason kills 'em both and off he goes to his old stomping ground!

Lo and behold, there are people going there! In a big van of drugs and sex!

The main character in all of this is a girl named Chris.
Dana Kimmell Pictures, Images and Photos
Chris has some serious issues that we don't find out about right away...we actually find them out later in a Jason flashback, but basically, she runs away from home and Jason finds her and chases her in his quick flannel manner and she passes out and wakes up to find herself with her parents. So Jason haunts her even in her dreams and she's come back to Crystal Lake to face her demons...and her loser boyfriend, Rick:

Paul Kratka Pictures, Images and Photos
Rick is seriously the biggest boner in the universe and he calls Chris fat when he first sees her. I think Chris needs to kick Rick to the curb...but...Rick pays for that comment later:
Friday 13th Part 3 Pictures, Images and Photos
HAHAHAHA! Who's calling names now, Ricky?!

Also along for the ride are Chris's friends:

Debbie, who wants the world to know a thousand times over that she's pregnant:
Debbie Pictures, Images and Photos
even though she's talking about beer 45% of the movie...

her bf Andy (the baby-daddy):
Andy Pictures, Images and Photos
Andy loves juggling fruit and walking on his hands.

Then there are her two...stoner...friends/parents/chaparones? Chili and Chuck:
Chili Pictures, Images and Photos

Chuck Pictures, Images and Photos
Now, I gotta stop here for a minute. Let's be honest here...although they kind of take the "stoner" role a bit far...I'm still not buying that these two would be there under normal circumstances. They're both in their 40s and Chuck looks like a Vietnam veteran mixed with a splash of Cheech and Chong. Why are they hanging out with a bunch of 17 year old floozies? This movie didn't even need them in it. Do they even hang out with the others? No. They make popcorn and smoke weed all day. All they provided to this film was 3D popcorn, smoke and 2 stupid death scenes. I just don't get it. I actually forgot they were in it, too, until I was reading the plot.

Next is Vera, who is Chris's friend, but also the possible love interest for Shelly:
Vera Pictures, Images and Photos
She is a spicy lady who fights with her mom in beginning in another language..I believe Spanish? And then gets into some downtown troubles with Shelly...


The greatest character of them all is obviously Shelly:
Shelly Pictures, Images and Photos
Shelly hates himself and tries to mask his self-hatred with stupid magic tricks and bad jokes. Everyone hates Shelly, but not as much as Shelly hates himself. He makes comments that make everyone uncomfortable like how he can't skinny dip because he's not "skinny enough". Awww. He also tells Vera that his "world" is in a shoebox and to "stick around" so she can find out. Even Vera kind of hates him, and when he gets killed, people still think he's kidding and get annoyed at him. Poor guy.
Shelly is, however, very important to this movie, not only because of his awful-ness, but because it's his hockey mask that Jason takes on as his own. So, thanks Shelly. Fun Fact! I read somewhere that Shelly is a lawyer now...nice going!

But that's not all...we also have BIKERS who are terrorizing grocery stores everywhere! There's Ali, Loco, and Fox (special thanks to people on photobucket that have these screenshots, seriously, thank you):
Ali Pictures, Images and Photos
Loco Pictures, Images and Photos
Fox Pictures, Images and Photos
Fox is played by = Phylicia Rashad Pictures, Images and Photos
Ok fine, Fox isn't Phylicia Rashad from The Cosby Show, but doesn't she kind of look like her badass twin sister?
The bikers are chasing after Shelly because he broke one of their bikes and they end up in the barn at the camp where they all meet their doom...except Ali...kind of...

So anyway, Jason is living it up at this camp in his flannel and kills everyone...except Chris who is a tough-as-nails chick:
friday the 13th part 3 Pictures, Images and Photos

But Chris ends up going crazy in the end. The best part is at the end when he's in the window and she screams "It's you!!" and he lifts his mask up and snickers at her. Wait...was it all dream?

Watch how great he is:

This one's the best, watch from 4:10 on:

This film was originally set to be the final in the trilogy of Jason movies...but that didn't happen, because Jason is so amazingly awesome that they continued right on into hell, cruise ships, and space and copycat killers. Also, they cut out alot of gory stuff, accoring to Wiki, so that they could not have to make it "X" rated.

Seriously, if you haven't seen this movie you are missing out. There's 3D, bad acting, stupid plot points, crossbow usage, the hockey mask's introduction, Shelly, handstand deaths, eyeballs popping out, the line "He's killing me! He's killing me!", and fast backwoods Jason. This movie has it grab your 3-D shades and get to watching!


Craig Edwards said...

Great posting - I love the movie too - but the line "He's killing me...he's killing me!" is from the next movie, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter.