Saturday, December 13, 2008

Attack of the Killer 'Nog Blog


The name makes me want to both vomit and giggle at the same time. Is that possible?

There are many reasons why Eggnog horrifies me.

First of all, Eggnog is extremely...EXTREMELY fattening. Every year, my father doubles in size due to drinking 'nog and eating eggnog ice cream. Doubles. He actually owns "eggnog pants" which are twice the size of his regular pants for the months of November-January. That's a spoOoOooOky thought within itself...doubling.

Secondly, and most importantly, the texture of eggnog is disgusting. The 'Nog is mostly made up of milk, sugar, cream...and beaten eggs (I know, you saw that one coming didn't you? Is it the name?). So, we're drinking raw eggs, essentially, and we're not training to be boxers. Of course, for the 21+ crowd, there is also the happy addition of rum (or brandy or sherry or cognac or whiskey...I guess anything to make you drunk enough to not think about the gross texture of raw egg) to eggnog. Atop this mixture of barfworthy ingredients, there's the sprinkle of nutmeg and sometimes if to try to make it less disgusting.

Thirdly, can we go back to the raw eggs? Let me count the ways that drinking raw eggs can be bad. Barfblog does a pretty damn good job of it themselves. The CDC, which I became great friends with during my stint as an undergrad, says that raw egg consumption isn't great. Wikipedia also has a laundry list. Why am I risking death and disease for something this gross!?

Fourth, despite these horrible factors about it, I'm still strangely allured by it. I mean, I wouldn't say I like it or enjoy drinking it...I think I feel drawn to it and almost obligated to drink it. Perhaps it's genetic, because my father lives for it? Perhaps it's because I like rum in beverages because it makes me think of Pina Coladas and the tropics? Perhaps I feel like I'm Christmassy when I drink it? I don't know. I just don't get it. But that's dangerous....because by drinking it, I'm accepting and allowing the above reasons to take over. Eggnog is an evil temptress, praying on my eggnog confusion.

Not enough of the mysteries of eggnog for you? This website has the history of 'nog for you.

Are you thinking about making your very own batch of monster nog? Here are the top 20 Recipes for Eggnog, as proposed by, a website near and dear to Monster Bash Blog's cold black heart.

I think this recipe is probably the most and best reviewed though.

Drink with caution!