My Horrifying Love of Twilight

My obsession with Twilight is my newest fear. I know, this isn't really about Halloween or pumpkins, but I have to talk about it before I explode.

First of all, being obsessed with any one thing is spOoOOOOoOOoOky because it's all you think about, and sometimes it gets expensive ($75 on the books...), and sometimes...it goes out of control....

which is where i'm teetering now.

It all started last Saturday when Renee asked me to go see it with her and Cos, so I figured what the heck. I hadn't even heard of Twilight until I started seeing the signs for it everywhere plastered all over the place "When you can live forever what do you live for" blah blah blah. whatever, I'll go see it, how bad can it be? I mean, there are Vampires in it!

We saw it at 11 am, and by 1:30 (the movie is 2 hours long), I was at the register at Border's Books buying the book.

I walked immediately from the theater to the book store, I needed no more proof.

Now I'm becoming horrified at myself because it's completely taken over my brain and thought process.

First of all, let's talk about the movie. Have you seen it yet? Ladies? This movie is based on the book of the same name by Stephenie Meyer, and is seeping with perfect romance that us sappy saps love to hate...and hate to love. I hate mushy gushy lovey dovey garbage...but for some reason...this movie....I can't get enough. I want to BE in the movie and book.

And then, there's this guy:

That's Edward Cullen, who is played by Robert Pattinson:

Who I also had never heard of until this movie because I am not an avid Harry Potter fan. But seriously, where has this dude been all my life?

Anyways, he plays the most romantic vampire in the world, and the chemistry between him and Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) almost made me break a sweat because they seriously should consider dating in real life.

Don't they make a good couple?

I literally watched the entire film with one hand on my cheek and making loud sighs with a huge grin on my face that would say "awwwwwwwwwwwwwww that's niiiiiice" the entire time.

After watching the movie and hating that my life isn't as magical as theirs, we had a reading party where I proceeded to go into a coma of literature. I never read anything more "literary" (*for lack of a better word) than People magazine, and here I am, tearing through a Young Adult section book that is aimed at 12 year old girls and I can't get enough of.

Then Renee and I went again, dragging poor defenseless Jim who rolled his eyes and made gagging noises...while I pointed out all of the things that Edward did and said that I thought Jim might like to take note of...he didn't enjoy that very much.

Then I finished the entire first book, which I think has over 500 pages if memory serves, in about 2 1/2 days.

I decided to speed up the inevitable and so I purchased the other 3 books at 10:00 PM on a Tuesday night at Barnes & Noble. I couldn't imagine not having the rest of the books handy when I finished New Moon, I'd be destroyed.

Then I read the entire unfinished book, kind of out of order, I know, but not really, in one sitting because I couldn't look away. It was leaked online and Stephenie Meyer put it on her website for her readers.

and then Renee I went to see it AGAIN...with Jim once again kicking and screaming the whole way in.

Anyway, I don't want to spoil it for you if you haven't seen it...I mean, I'd love to spoil it for you and blab away about it....

Here's more pictures of him that I like to drool over:

Edward Cullen in a suit is perfection, in my book. SpoOoOooOoky hot vampire perfection, I mean.

Black Friday

Ok, I found something else scary about Thanksgiving season:

Black Friday.

I worked at a mall customer service center for 7 years before moving on to bigger and better things, you'd think I would have already known about this, but fortunately for me, I've blocked such horrid events almost out of memory.

Ah yes, Black Friday. Those two words used to make me absolutely cringe and almost projectile vomit. Waking up early, watching people massacre one another to get a parking spot, people fighting over unnecessary electronics that are not really discounted enough for me to foam at the mouth over them...I mean, $790 for an HDTV is okay...but I would make a complete jackass of myself only for $300 and below.

Some of my worst memories are crazed mothers, toting around their gross, annoying children, who were 8 feet tall and still they wanted to put them strollers that were meant for toddlers, and then behaving worse than their awful kids because there was a height limit.

I really questioned my reasons for living on Black Fridays.

But then, I was free! I ran, screaming from the mall entrance, practically on fire, never to return.

And Black Friday seemed like a distant nightmare, never to be dreamt of again.

(p.s. forgive the way I'm writing, I'm not usually this poetic-y, but I'm currently obsessed with the Twilight saga as is most of the rest of the female population, so bear with me until I find something new to obsess over)

Anyway, my feelings of hatred toward Black Friday have resulted in my only doing my holiday shopping online. I refuse...REFUSE to walk into a mall on Black Friday, because frankly, people become animals. It has made me very cynical. It terrifies me, the thought of fist-fighting with someone over a parking spot, getting flipped off by elderly ladies if I grab the last GPS, the bloodshed, the tears, I can't take it. So I stick with my bffls: Amazon.com, Bestbuy.com, and eBay.com

But then, this year, I had a reawakening of my sheer disgust with Black Friday:

this article.

Don't want to click the link? here's the headline:

Cops hunt Wal-Mart shoppers after worker dies

Now, let me get this straight....Wal-Mart shoppers (plural)...are on the lamb....from...cops....because....a WORKER DIED. Someone DIED on Black Friday because of SHOPPERS.

Basically, a contractor that was hired by Wal-Mart to do some maintenance work was TRAMPLED when he tried to open the doors for the 2,000 shoppers and KILLED.

This happened in New York.

I feel like this is going to turn into like, Planet of the Apes where men evolve into uncivilized mutants and the apes eventually take over (you're welcome, Jim).

I'm going to give you some excerpts that made me especially horrified:

Other workers were trampled as they tried to rescue the man, and customers stepped over him and became irate when officials said the store was closing because of the death, police and witnesses said.

ok, so, people were PISSED that the store was closed because THEY killed someone.

Kimberly Cribbs, who witnessed the stampede, said shoppers were acting like "savages."

When they were saying they had to leave, that an employee got killed, people were yelling `I've been on line since yesterday morning,'" she said. "They kept shopping."

I just threw up.

A woman reported being trampled by overeager customers at a Wal-Mart opening Friday in Farmingdale, about 15 miles east of Valley Stream, Suffolk County police said. She suffered minor injuries, but finished shopping before filling the report, police said.

Are people like this taken seriously?

Items on sale at the Valley Stream Wal-Mart included a Samsung 50-inch Plasma HDTV for $798, a Bissel Compact Upright Vacuum for $28, a Samsung 10.2 megapixel digital camera for $69 and DVDs such as "The Incredible Hulk" for $9

A HA! I totally get it now...he didn't die in vain...I mean, "The Incredible Hulk" for $9?! No wonder!

I've decided that shoppers on Black Friday are among the scariest creatures on Earth.

(Images courtesy of google images.)

Early Darkness = Horror

So, there's really not much that's spoOoOoOoOoky about this holiday season. It's hard for me, Monster Bash blog, to try and dig to find scary things about the holidays. I mean, it's all twinkling and sparkles and choirs and happiness and gifts.


But there is one thing that's frightening about winter...



well, there's a few things, but one that stuck out most to me:


Darkness.


Now that we've "fallen back" and turned the clocks an hour back, it's getting darker earlier.





And if I only know one thing, it's that darkness = scariness.



The Descent really got me into this whole dark thing, because the entire movie is based around being in complete darkness.



But now I find myself leaving work and the sun is setting, and it's not even 5 pm yet.

And it scares me!

What if someone's in the backseat of my car...waiting for me? I can't see them right away...

BECAUSE IT'S DARK!

What if someone is creeping up behind me...will I see them?

NOPE...too dark!

But maybe there's nothing to be afraid of in the dark...


or....


is there?

Birthday Fright!

You know what's really scary?

COOKIE PUSS,


TURNING 26,

....and not remembering any of this:

And being like this by 12:00 Midnight on your bday:

The Descent...into Horror!

So, my dad kept pressuring me to watch the movie "The Descent", and for awhile, I ignored his pleas. I mean, this is the same man who advocated for the movies "White Chicks", "Scary Movie", and "Stealth". All stinkers, in my opinion. So needless for me to say, I didn't want to see the Descent because I figured it'd be pure garbage.

The movie is about this group of women friends who live for adrenaline pumping fun:


The beginning scene engulfs you because there is a tragedy and one of the friends, Sarah, is affected. I'm not going to spill the beans, you have to watch...

Skip ahead and you find out that the one friend, Juno, who's kind of a bitch, decides to plan this awesome caving expedition to this unknown cave deep below the Earth as a way to bring the group of friends back together.

Well, of course everything goes wrong, rocks cover the entrance and block it, the girls are trying to find a 2nd entrance....Sarah has this sneaking suspicion that they're not alone in this cave. Suddenly they hear and see something...

The girls frantically search around for what's going on and you see this through the infrared nightvision:


I jumped 4 feet out of my chair, I was terrified. What the hell was that?!?!

Well, they're called crawlers, and they are mutated human-like creatures that have adapted to living deep beneath the Earth's surface.

The pro? They're completely blind and they hunt based on sound.

A huge gore-fest ensues, and the ending? Well, very ambiguous.

I guess that's why there's a sequel set for February 27, 2009.

How good is this movie?

There are scenes that make you feel claustrophobic:


Grossed out:


Happy to be alive:


and most of all, scared for your life:


This movie rules...for once, dad and I agree on a movie! Check it out!

James Caan Double Feature

Every year for the past few years, a bunch of us transition from Halloween to Christmas. For me, the transition is borderline devastating, as I find myself weeping as Jim takes down all of my spoOoOoOOOoooky props and replaces them with garland and blinky lights that don't have skulls on them.

Since the transition can be so hard, we all do it in a way to move smoothly from one extreme (Halloween horror) to the other (Christmas enchantment).

We use, what has now been coined as the "James Caan Double Feature" to smooth into the winter wonderland.

What is this, you ask?

Well, James Caan, of The Godfather fame, happens to star in not one,but TWO Christmas themed movies:

Elf

and

Santa's Slay:


Santa's Slay is absolutely ridiculous. First of all, it stars the wrestler Goldberg as its main character: This guy:

As Santa Claus:


As if that isn't ridiculous enough, here is the cast of characters that only star in the first 8 minutes of the movie:

Can you name them all?

Well, even if you can't, it doesn't matter, because the rest of the movie doesn't even have a single shot of them. They are only cameos in the beginning. The rest of the movie contains a bunch of people I've never heard of.

So basically, Santa's Slay is about a BAD Santa Claus, who made a bet with an Angel over a curling match, loses, and then comes back to take his revenge on the township of Hell. I know, you can only imagine the Hell jokes that get thrown around in this movie.

Overall, don't take this movie seriously...it's great for a laugh and there is an incredibly fake and hilarious dog punting scene in the beginning. I ask you to watch this movie, pay attention to the creature that pulls his sleigh, and check out his awesome fireball shooting action!

Ho Ho Ho Horror!

Ode to a Dear, SpoOoOoOoOoOky Friend

In the footsteps of this guy's spoOoOoOoOoky shirt, I have decided to take up a little poetry writing of my own:

Come Back Halloween
by: Monster Bash Blog

Time is flying by,
It's now November,
The glorious month of October,
seems so hard to Remember.

Leaves were changing,
Temperatures would drop,
All day long I ordered,
SpoOoOoOky clown props.

Time flew by,
and in a flash,
October 31st had come,
along with the greatest night ever: Monster Bash

A pair of costumes,
so diverse,
a Man that is Macho,
and a Joker Nurse.

Munching on corn dogs,
and pulling drinks from a horror basin (cauldron),
Watching scary movies,
particularly the ones involving Jason (X).

Mummy wrapping, cotton candy eating, scavenger hunting,
Watching movies about Freddy,
Best costume awards, pinata smashing, candy corn counting,
Watching Evil Dead-dy.

And then it was November,
Halloween was gone,
It was time to pick up the pieces,
the garbage, the broken pinata...and move on.

But, come back soon Halloween,
I'll stay here and wait,
and make more blogs of horror and mayhem,
and missing MB 2008.

Post Monster Bash 2008

Well, another successful and incredible Halloween season has come and gone faster than I would have liked it to...

Monster Bash 2008 is over, and now, I must remove my makeup that took a friend and me an hour to apply, watch/help Jim clean the room (it's taking almost 2 days now), and begin to dream up next year's spOoOOoooOOoktacular bash!

But first, here's some frightening pictures!:

The Official Monster Bash 2008 invites.

Want to know how I got these scars? Well, I used makeup.

Joker Nurse, along with 8,000,000 other people.

Couples-costume of the year

The hosts with the mosts.

Murder Circus layout.

The Monster Bash 2008 food display: Carnival/Circus fare. Corn dogs not included because they were already eaten.

Evening, Commissioner.

Macho Man admires artwork. It says "Macho Madness" on the cape, fyi.

Spider Man makes his Monster Bash 2008 cameo

Pippy longstocking brought a date, Mr. Mrs.

Dr. Chad makes a kingdom of balloon animals

Danny Pepperoni makes his way from D'Jais to party with Randy Savage. No, he's not wearing stockings. Yes, I know.

Macho Man and the unsuspecting pinata

violent banana

Post-mummy wrap

Good sports

The spOOoOOooOOky scavenger hunt

Bella Banana looking for the next clue

Lucy reads off the next clue to her team

Just a banana, a butcher clown, and a joker dressed like a nurse.

And the best costume award and $25 Visa Gift card went to: